Yes, It's Been a While

Where do I start on this one? It has been a time of surprises and of healing since I last stopped by to lay my thoughts out for the world.

I had given up, you see.

I had problems and I knew it. I have tried repeatedly to get in to see my surgeon, making perhaps five trips to Johnson City to see him, to try to get answers to my questions about why I feel tis way or that, why my weight loss had slowed down to such a crawl early out, etc. This past trip was during Christmas break - I call his office and very clearly explained why I wanted to see him. I haven't seen him since I was in the hopsital, I explained. I don't feel well. I am not losing weight - as a matter of fact, I have *gained* at only eight months out, despite only eating about 1200 calories a day. My PCP does not know how to deal with my since I have had my bypass, and he constantly refers me back to my surgeon. The appointment clerk sounded horrified that I had not see the doc since I was in the hospital, and she promised me an appointment with him on the only day that he would be in the office over my holiday. Great! Maybe I would get some answers.

I showed up with my notebook of questions and went to the window sign in. When asked for my check, I declined to hand it over, suggesting that it would make it far easier to wait until we established that the doc was really, actually going to see me - especially last time he wasn't even in the office I had to argue to get my copay back.

Guess what?!? That's right, he never even came in at all that morning, and his office didn't bother to pick up the phone and call me, saving me a THREE HOUR ROUND TRIP for apparent reason. I just thanked to the girl at the front desk (somewhat snottily, I'll be the first to admit) and left. Husband stood there and clowned a bit, loudly explaining to the crowd in the waiting room that once you were paid up by the insurance company then you were on your own.

So by the middle of January I am back at my PCP, complianing about the same problems that I was bitching about in October: serious fatigue, major irritability, insomnia, lack of weight loss, mental fog, difficulty concentrating, lack of motivation on all fronts, and now, very irregular periods as well. I told the doc that I was there for a referral to an endocrinologist as I was certain that there was something wrong hormonally. Doc said that was fine and that he was not going to send out my regular labs to include a thyroid test as it had already been tested "out the yin-yang" before I ever had my surgery. I had been talking to two ladies that I work with, and they were very insistant that I should have my thyroid tested - BOTH levels of it. So I asked the doc to do so, telling him to please just humor me. It wouldn't hurt anything and just might ease my mind. He agreed, wrote down "mood disorder" on my diagnosis page, and offered to increase the wellbutrin that he had put me on in October. I declined, explaining that it wasn't doing anything at all for me. He said that he would call with my results that next day, and yes, he would check both levels.

No one called on Tuesday as he said, but Wednesday the nurse let me know that my appoinment for the endocrinologist was for March 28th and all of my labs were just fine, except that dlkgjhsdfkgjhsdklfjhg. Pardon? Can you slow down, please? I want to make sure that I understand everything after the "except" part, as I am pretty sure that just might be something important (ya think?). Turns out my TSH level is 5.89, but that's okay, the endocrinologist can get me straightened out when I see her in March. His nurse also tells me that they very thoughtfully faxed the results of my bloodwork to my surgeon. WTF? I had just gotten through explaining to this man that I couldn't get in the see the surgeon, that I hadn't seen him, and probably was never going to get to.

The endocrinologist will start me on something in MARCH?!? I am supposed to just keep feeling like this for another two and a half months because the doctor says that he doesn't know what to do with me because I am a gastric bypass patient? I am a patient with a thyroid problem - this has nothing to do with my surgical history.

So the next day I changed my PCP with the insurance company and go to see my husband's a doc - an internist. (Husband calls and begs me in, explaining that I am not in very good shape and need help.) The new doc immediately put me on 100 mcg of levothryoxin and asked why my PCP did not do this as soon as he got the test results back. I explain the whole thing and I am so relieved to actually find a PCP who has an idea about how to deal with bypass patients.

New doc also tells me that the NSAIDS old doc had me on for cramps could kill me, that the idea that old doc had about them being okay for me just a couple of times a month just wasn't accurate. Yay.

So now I have been on meds for this for a grand total of four days now, and I already not only feel beter but have lost a little bit of weight again for the first time in a couple of months.

Weight this morning: 191 (again - finally)

PS - all that crabbing about not being able to sleep before... poor husband.... it wasn't really his fault at all.

Day 253 - As the Tummy Rumbles....

I think that my lower belly must be full of rocks - at least it feels that way. I am definitely F.O.S as things just haven't been working out right for the past couple of weeks. For a good long time, I had a lot of success eating a spinach salad every day for lunch and taking a couple of colace, but it seems like the charm of that has worn off, despite increased fiber and water as well.

I've gained (are you getting this - GAINED???) seven pounds in a week and a half, but at least three of them came back off, leaving me at 195 yesterday morning.

Husband and I have a new hobby - woodcutting. No, we aren't carving, but rather we have been selling firewood. He does most of the work during the week as his job gives him a lot more flexibility than mine, but we're out there every weekend getting a load or three, and I took off a day last week just to go cutting. It's funny to me that things that were so heavy just a month or two ago are now getting plumb light, and it is so easy to drag things around that used to just plain herniate my fat ass. LOL I've put on a decent amount of muscle, and I realize that is partly responsible for the weight-loss slowdown, but I sure would like to see the scales move again. It seems that I have been stuck forever.

On the bright side, this past month I bought my first size 14 jeans since I was in JUNIOR COLLEGE. Yay! While I hope that this isn't "it", I sure am glad to be here than where I was a year ago.

Highest weight: 294
Weight yesterday morning: 195
Weight last week: 191
Current size: 14/16

A Rant

I love the man, I really do, but I just can't take it.



The past month or two, I couldn't figure out what was going on - I would get on my broomstick every morning and fly to work, then come home and be totally, um, witchy. I've been depressed, exhausted, and moody, totally unable to concentrate, and I actually started worrying about my mental health. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for ambien and wellbutrin, thinking that maybe I was having biochemical problems with depression or something, especially when I put all of my symptoms together.

I am the kind of the person who can sleep through almost anything and not wake up, but once I am awake, then it's over - no going back to sleep for me. I guess that's what has made it so hard for me to figure out just what has been going on. I wouldn't wake up enough to realize just what was happening on the other side of the bed.

Last night was my second night with sleeping pills, and I really did expect to get a good night's sleep for a change. I even suspected that I had been *dreaming* that I was waking up. After all, I was taking a SLEEPING PILL, for God's sake! Anyway, last night before I went to bed, I was pretty determined that I was going to make sure that I was really waking up and not just imagining things. So at one this morning when I looked at the clock, I made sure to roll over and rationally evaluate, "Yep, I am awake." I managed to go back to sleep that time, but when I woke up the second time at 2:45, I wasn't as lucky. I lay there and listed to the snorting, snorting, moan-and-groaning (complete with roll-over motion) until I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up and went to try to go back to sleep on the couch, but it was just too late - I was really, really awake. (Did I mention that he puts out so much heat that I cook every night? Body heat isn't just it, either - we have an electric blanket with dual controls, and he cranks his side up then radiates heat like a furnace.)

I used to wonder why older couples would have separate bedrooms or even separate beds. I used to love to snuggle up to DH, and now I am wondering if I am ever going to be able to sleep in the bed with him again, especially since this has been going on SO long and it's been so bad that I have gone to the doctor to get MEDICATED to deal with the effects of it.

Geez. I dunno what I am going to do!!!!

Time Marches On - Day 193

Yes, time keeps moving, and the scales barely do. Still, husband tells me not to complain as I am going down in measurements and sizes. Being a woman, however, gives me a license, and I plan to take full advantage of that, even if it is only here.

I did quit smoking, and it was not very pleasant, as I am sure you can imagine. I used Chantix and quit smoking after about four days on the meds. I took the pills for just a little over two weeks, until feeling like a poster child for unwanted side-effects, I put the pills to the side and decided to weather it out all on my own. After all, two weeks of not should be enough to break the cycle, right?

Side effects, you ask? Ewwww.... they were monstrous! I was exhausted, extremely nauseous, and still pretty-short tempered. I think that I was waking up on the average of three to five times a night, but the dreams, while vivid, were not a real problem. In the past two weeks since I stopped taking Chantix, I am still having difficulty paying attention and sleeping through the night. I am not nearly as tired all the time, but I am having trouble sitting still, etc. I am showing many of the classic signs of ADD, but I am not sure if this is related to quitting nicotine or if it is my natural state and the nicotine used to mitigate that. I dunno.

Anyway, here are my stats:

Highest weight: 294
Weight this morning: 197
Current size: 16

Day 166

My weight loss has slowed down A LOT, but I have finally made it under 200 pounds for the first time since I was in college! Yay!

I started taking Chantix last Wednesday, and I am already feeling the effects from it. I am not smoking nearly as much, and they taste pretty gross when I do. I also have the nausea and fatigue, but interestingly enough, I don't have headaches - I'm rather light-headed instead. Pretty weird, huh? Wonder how long I'll have to take this med... I really don't like it, but I have to do something about smoking! I have bronchitis yet again, and my skin and circulation need all the help that they can get.

I have all kinds of new lines and stretch marks that I never saw before now, and I while they are not *that* noticeable, I can see exactly what I am going to look like when I do get all old and wrinkly. Between my respiratory issues and my skin, I really do have to do something. There's no sense in going through everything I have done the past six months to get healthy only to kill myself with Marlboros, you know?

Highest weight: 294
Weight this morning: 199
Current size: 16

The Long Stall...

It seemed like this long stall would never, ever end! I suppose that I was spoiled a bit, watching the weight fall off after my surgery. For a month almost, nothing happened with the exception of gaining two pounds. How *that* happened I have no idea, especially since it's not like I can really eat much of anything.

The scales finally started moving again about four or five days ago. I dug around in the cabinets until I found my trusty jar of protein powder, and I started drinking about 35 grams every morning before I went off to work. After just a couple of days of that, the pounds just started melting off again. I guess that my body had gone into a mini starvation mode, and the influx of extra protein reassured it that all really was well.

My energy has really picked up as well, and I am very grateful for that, especially since I have gone back to work. The only real problem that I seem to be having is being all stopped up - yet another issue that my surgeon never bothered to mention! (grrr!)

Highest weight: 294
Weight today: 202

Day 124

Well, only a little over four months, and already my weight loss has seriously slowed down. Only 8 pounds since the last time I posted on Day 100.

I am wondering if this is what my endocrinologist and OB/GYN warned me about when they suggested that I have this surgery. I was told then that I would never be a "normal" weight because of my PCOS, but I could lose some of what was making me so miserable.

Dear God, I hope that this isn't "it". I don't eat a lot of junk - heck, I can't eat *anything* with more than 10 grams of sugar or 10 grams of fat. I've been exercising and everything like I am supposed to, but only eight pounds in 24 days.

On the bright side, I'm not freezing anymore, even though I should be in about another week. Turns out, that particular issue is PMS related. Nothing quite like being bitchy, tired, *and* cold, all at the same time.