A Rant

I love the man, I really do, but I just can't take it.



The past month or two, I couldn't figure out what was going on - I would get on my broomstick every morning and fly to work, then come home and be totally, um, witchy. I've been depressed, exhausted, and moody, totally unable to concentrate, and I actually started worrying about my mental health. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for ambien and wellbutrin, thinking that maybe I was having biochemical problems with depression or something, especially when I put all of my symptoms together.

I am the kind of the person who can sleep through almost anything and not wake up, but once I am awake, then it's over - no going back to sleep for me. I guess that's what has made it so hard for me to figure out just what has been going on. I wouldn't wake up enough to realize just what was happening on the other side of the bed.

Last night was my second night with sleeping pills, and I really did expect to get a good night's sleep for a change. I even suspected that I had been *dreaming* that I was waking up. After all, I was taking a SLEEPING PILL, for God's sake! Anyway, last night before I went to bed, I was pretty determined that I was going to make sure that I was really waking up and not just imagining things. So at one this morning when I looked at the clock, I made sure to roll over and rationally evaluate, "Yep, I am awake." I managed to go back to sleep that time, but when I woke up the second time at 2:45, I wasn't as lucky. I lay there and listed to the snorting, snorting, moan-and-groaning (complete with roll-over motion) until I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up and went to try to go back to sleep on the couch, but it was just too late - I was really, really awake. (Did I mention that he puts out so much heat that I cook every night? Body heat isn't just it, either - we have an electric blanket with dual controls, and he cranks his side up then radiates heat like a furnace.)

I used to wonder why older couples would have separate bedrooms or even separate beds. I used to love to snuggle up to DH, and now I am wondering if I am ever going to be able to sleep in the bed with him again, especially since this has been going on SO long and it's been so bad that I have gone to the doctor to get MEDICATED to deal with the effects of it.

Geez. I dunno what I am going to do!!!!